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NEUTRALIZING NARCISSISM
The Dark Side of Idealization: How Narcissists Use ‘Boundaries’ to Control and Manipulate Relationships
Understanding the tactics used by narcissists to gain power and control in relationships
When you first enter into a relationship with a narcissist, they may seem like the perfect partner. They shower you with attention, and affection, and make you feel like you are the most important person in the world. But as the relationship progresses, you may start to notice that their seemingly reasonable boundaries are actually a means of control and manipulation.
As humans, we all have a need for connection and validation. Narcissists, however, take this to an extreme level and use it as a tool for manipulation in their relationships. One tactic they use is idealization, where they put their partner on a pedestal, making them feel special and adored. Along with this, they may also establish boundaries in the relationship, which at first glance may seem reasonable and healthy. But in reality, these boundaries are a means for the narcissist to exert power and control over their partner.
One example of this is when a narcissist sets boundaries around communication. They may insist on only communicating through certain channels, such as text or email, and may become angry or withdraw if their partner tries to communicate with them in any other way. This gives the narcissist control over the flow of information and allows them to dictate when and how they interact with their partner.
Another example is when a narcissist sets boundaries around their partner’s social circle. They may insist on being the only person their partner talks to and may become jealous and possessive if their partner has friends or family that they spend time with. This isolates the partner from their support system and gives the narcissist control over who their partner interacts.
A final example is when a narcissist sets boundaries around their partner’s behavior. They may insist on certain dress codes or grooming standards or may insist on their partner being available at all times. These boundaries are meant to control the partner’s actions and make them conform to…
