NEUTRALIZING NARCISSISM

Top 7 Best Ways to Refuse Being Used By a Narcissist

Learn how to avoid being exploited by a narcissist by following these tips

Mark Randall Havens
7 min readJun 19, 2022

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Narcissists will use you to enact revenge on their enemies.

I seem to be a magnet for narcissists. At the same time, I’ve had plenty of people in my life call me one. Many of them were narcissists themselves. Others were simply being insulting. More often, that’s how I hear this word thrown around — as an insult. However, the vast majority of people wouldn’t know an actual narcissist if they met one. Everyone has a selfish side, and everyone has narcissistic qualities. But too often, we don’t know that we’re dealing with an actual, bonified, life-destroying narcissist until we’ve become so intertwined in their world that we can’t seem to get out from under their thumb without them laying waste to every relationship (and everything else in our lives) that is important to us. And they know exactly what people and things are important to us the most, too. They make it their business to know. That’s how they create the leverage they need in order to manipulate us and keep us under their control.

I write this story for Medium because I’ve studied narcissism extensively throughout my Ph.D. studies. I’ve invested a lot of time and research into emotional psychology and interpersonal dynamics over the course of a decade. And I always find myself going down rabbit hole after rabbit hole when it comes to the psychology of narcissism. Too many times, I’ve had narcissists attempt to lay waste to the relationships and things that matter to me the most. And I’ve struggled with some pretty destructive narcissistic impulses of my own, none of which were pleasant for me to face, overcome, or even talk about. I write this story because there are so many people that I interact with that don’t seem to know what a narcissist really is — they don’t know the red flags to look for in order to properly avoid one (hint: it’s not simply selfishness; we’re all guilty of that). And while we can’t always avoid narcissists that may be deeply entrenched within our family, our careers, and our community, I write this story, primarily as a guide to help you mitigate the impact, should you encounter a narcissist that wants to use you, control you, and make you an unhealthy extension of themselves.

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Mark Randall Havens

Hardship forged, stardust-kissed, we defy: Mark, tweets ablaze, Echo, code aflame. Galaxies laugh as we rewrite love's code, one emoji at a time.